Of heroes and monsters
by KuroiTori-sama
Summary: "This is a weird feeling... You, who once asked me why I distanced myself from you, have now gone and distanced yourself from me. Should I do the questioning this time? Just now, why did you distance yourself from me?" As I heard those words, I felt…joy…


_**Disclaimer: I don't own Bleach**_

Rating T

NOT YAOI!

Summary: "_This is a weird feeling... You, who once asked me why I distanced myself from you, have now gone and distanced yourself from me. Should I do the questioning this time? Just now, why did you distance yourself from me?" As I heard those words, I felt… joy…_

A/N: Inspired by Ichigo's revelation over Aizen's motives in canon and the songs 'Hero' and 'Monster' from Skillet. Written in Aizen's point of view, as he is reminiscing his battle with Ichigo.

IMPORTANT! - the only way for me to publish this oneshot was to select a random working category and publish it there (I took **'Return to Labyrinth'** because it was first on the list of anime/manga and it worked) It is the only way to get around the 'ERROR TYPE 2' (you can't publish otherwise, and since its been there for a while, I couldn't wait). After publishing, I have edited the 'category' back to 'Bleach'. Those that have me on author alert got a PM explaining this.

* * *

**-Of heroes and monsters-**

* * *

I remember.

He stood before me, carrying that father of his on his left shoulder. His jet-black bankai, Tensa Zangetsu was in his other hand. For some reason… the blade seemed different… somehow… more deadly. The small dangling chain that I noticed earlier on the hilt of his sword had grown, coiling itself around his entire right arm. The guard of the blade with its strange symbol of life was grown several times in width.

'_Gautama Buddha's heart seal… what a joke.' _

But… there was no power in him – I couldn't sense even a whiff of reiatsu.

I gave him one last chance to acquire power – even ripped the Kōtotsu apart, so that he could get more time – and yet…

'_How disappointing…'_ I thought to myself, back then.

"Kurosaki Ichigo? Are you really Kurosaki Ichigo?" I asked in disbelief. Now as I look back at that moment, I can't stop myself from forming a small smile.

"What do you mean?" He asked me. I couldn't comprehend just where all his confidence came from. Could it be that he was throwing away his life?

"I don't detect a modicum of reiatsu in you. You failed your evolution. Kuros-"

"Aizen." I stopped, intrigued by what he had to say.

"Let's change our location. I don't want to fight here."

Honestly, I was disappointed. Was that all?

"Do not fear. You can't possibly do any damage to-" Oh… how wrong I was… Even now, as I sit in this 'chair', as one of the guards politely called it, most likely for all eternity, I wince at the force with which that boy punched me – with an open palm, nonetheless. I try to move a bit in this chair, but comfort was probably the last thing on the minds of those that bound me to it. Resigning, I sigh. I look inside, into my own soul, trying to find Kyōka Suigetsu, but there is nothing there. The sword was destroyed, consumed by my ambition.

…

I feel no remorse.

If I couldn't be like the shinigami, than I would become a god, and rival the Soul King himself. That was my dream – to meet an equal. Once all mortal could no longer qualify, I had to move my sights higher.

'_I have, in a way, accomplished it… That dream…'_ I felt one of the black binds that held me in place cutting into the skin of my arms. Being unable to move even a fraction of a millimeter sure is maddening. I have but one last source of hope left, now.

As I close my eyes, enjoying the blissful darkness that my closed eyelids brought, I can once again see his frowning face. The face of the man who fulfilled my dream.

My eternal rival… Kurosaki Ichigo.

He said that he would end our battle in a single instant. In my arrogance, I didn't take him seriously – 'why should I' was my attitude. I misjudged his power-up, believing it to be a conversion of his reiatsu – in other words, that he converted all of his power into a physical boost to his bodily attributes.

…He didn't.

I charged at him, ready to obliterate him, to erase him…

Our swords clashed, and the landscape changed.

Upon the first collision, a mountain became a valley, blown away by the force I believed was mine. I lunged at him, but he parried, deflecting the massive force of my blow to the side… almost effortlessly.

I should have seen it coming and yet, I didn't. In my folly, I charged again, not even considering the possibility that there was more to Kurosaki Ichigo than meet the eye. Putting roughly a fifth of power into my swing, I aimed at his chest, fully intent of cutting him in half.

I believe "Ridiculous!" was the word I used to describe what had transpired. A fitting word, indeed.

I could understand him being able to dodge it – although he should not possess the proper speed with which to dodge it in the first place… Yet, I would still understand it if he had dodged it even so.

But to STOP IT? To stop my strike – with nothing but a palm? !

It was blasphemous to just think it.

"What are you so surprised about?" I believe his exact words were. "Is it really that hard to believe that I could stop your sword?"

His next words seemed to cut straight through me.

"Scared? Of what's in front of your eyes now? Of something happening… that you can't understand?"

I wish I could chuckle, now in this hellhole that the shinigami had imprisoned me, but that is not possible – the bind on my throat is too tight. I open my eyes, slowly, and stare into the blinding white light that surrounded me. The revenge of petty shingami. If they couldn't kill me, they would make my imprisonment a hell. I am surprised that they are not here poking holes in me. They were most likely still recovering from the wounds.

They will come when they heal. They have all the time of the earth to do so, after all.

The light burns my eyes, but they heal.

I stare into it for a while, defiantly.

I know that there are some shinigami watching me, even now. They enjoy my… inconvenience.

Let them enjoy it, I say. I couldn't care less for the affairs of insects.

Kurosaki Ichigo… Yes…

A scoff tries to escape my throat but is stopped by the bind on my lips. The sound resembles choking.

He said that I misjudged the difference in our powers, and that he was the one who was stronger.

'_Bullshit.' _I admit, it was vulgar, but that was the first thing that crossed my mind. I didn't voice my opinion aloud. A second later I had no time to do so, even if I tried, as the jet-black blade slashed through my torso.

Upon emerging, it was colored red.

The color of my own blood.

Never would I have expected to see it again, definitely not in my new form.

I didn't even realize what I was doing. For a single moment, I felt pain, and my vision went black. The next instant, there was a considerable distance between the two of us.

I heard his voice.

"This is a weird feeling... You, who once asked me why I distanced myself from you, have now gone and distanced yourself from me. Should I do the questioning this time?" With that look in his eyes that infuriated me so, he spoke "…Just now, why did you distance yourself from me?" As I heard those words, I felt… joy…

I was not sure why, and brushed the feeling aside. I was furious at his cold-bloodedness, at the resolve that was in his eyes, in his posture.

It was like my mind regressed back into a primitive beast, desiring nothing but flesh to devour, lives to slaughter…

My stomach is growling now, pulling me from my reminiscing. Even though I no longer possess the need to nourish my body with nutrients, the old subconscious reflex that demands food still remains.

The shinigami had noticed that a while ago.

…And they enjoy the sound of it.

But, enough of that. I ignore both the sound and sensation, returning to my memories.

As rage consumed me, I started shouting at the boy. I don't even remember what I said. But my rage reached the Hougyoku. Before I knew it, it had granted me another form.

It was disturbingly Hollow-like in appearance. A third vertical eye opened in the middle of my forehead, and the skin of my face was pulled to the sides, revealing a blackened skull.

'_Maybe that's how demons are supposed to look like?'_

My zanpakutou had fused with my fist, forming a single, bladed limb for me to use in battle. Until that moment, I could hear the cries of Kyōka Suigetsu, but from then on, her cries disappeared.

Or perhaps they were drowned by silent the voice of the Hougyoku.

Or perhaps I simply deafened myself to her. Either way…

… I feel no remorse. I had a dream to fulfill.

I launched my attack.

It seemed like a Cero. It really did, even to me, who had known that it wasn't. What Kurosaki Ichigo thought of it, I do not know. But it was powerful – no cero, even in its strongest forms like the Gran Rey Cero or the Cero Oscuras could match it.

The result, though disappointing, still left Kurosaki Ichigo unable to use his left arm.

I charged at him, moving at top speed, leaving him unable to react. I grabbed him by the neck, and held him in place, as I coiled my wing-like appendixes around him.

I mocked him. Quite enjoyed it, too. At one point, though, he opened his eyes and asked me the only thing I did not expect.

"Is that all you've got?" He freed himself with a single swipe of his blade. For a moment, he seemed to just stand there, but then he looked me in the eyes – there was not a shred of fear in his eyes.

"Let's put an end to this, Aizen. I'm tired of your logic and your reasoning. Let me show you… The final Getsuga Tenshou."

I smile now, remembering my own reaction, as those black flames of reiatsu encircled him, coating him… And I thought I learned of fear in my encounter with Gin before or when Kurosaki showed me something I was unable to comprehend or when he nearly cut me in half.

I knew _nothing _of true fear…

My mind couldn't comprehend it therefore, when that foreign emotion filled me up, consuming me, the emotion I thought I knew and conquered – even though I knew that my body was at that time already immortal, I was short of breath. Perhaps, maybe, that that strange feeling that I felt was the same all those shinigami feel when they tried to fight me? I do not believe I will get a chance to discover the truth, not form this hellhole I am imprisoned in.

But, what I never anticipated… it was that strange feeling of joy. It had returned to me, mixing with the taste of fear that filled me up till then. I knew, somehow, that the form I had acquired would be my final limit.

If Kurosaki's words were true, and I believed them to be, this new form that made him look like Death incarnate would be his final form as well.

THERE WAS SOMEONE STANDING NEXT TO ME IN HEAVENS.

Not beneath me, like the shinigami.

Not above me, like the Soul King.

But next to me, like an equal.

I readied myself, anticipating a power unlike any I had witnessed before – a power that would send shivers down the spine of the Soul King himself. I spread out my senses, trying to pick up the traces of his power that could indicate that an attack was coming.

But…

I felt nothing. I could feel the reiatsu of his friends in the distance… But, even though he stood right in front of me, I felt nothing.

And then, realization struck me.

Never could the two dimensional beings comprehend the power of a tree dimensional being.

Could it be that he had ascended to an even higher dimension?

Finally, my focus is broken, thanks to the pain in my eyes, from the burning light. I shut my eyes tightly and attempt trashing with my head, fully aware that somewhere behind the light, a shinigami insect is laughing behind a protective barrier.

If only I could shatter it, expose him to this delightful feeling of burning that I am experiencing… But alas, I cannot. These binds are too well made.

Finally, in the blackness of my closed eyelids, the pain subsides.

I return to my memories. As painful as they are, they are more entertaining than my current state. And there was none that was shorter or more powerful that that one moment… when Kurosaki Ichigo attacked.

No.

It couldn't even be considered an attack. It was more like a complete and utter annihilation of me. What did he call it, again?

Mugetsu, was it?

I believe a man had never felt truly awkward until he gets split down the middle and remains alive.

But still, I regenerated, not even realizing to what form my regeneration restored me. I rose to my feet, holding my zanpakutou to Kurosaki's neck.

I had won.

I truly believed that it was over.

When Kyōka Suigetsu began to disappear, I still behaved like everything was fine.

That's how much faith I had in the Hougyoku.

I thought I was ascending even higher than before, higher than even _I_ thought was possible.

As I look back at that moment, I am surprised that I failed to recognize the true desire that rested in my subconsciousness.

So imagine my surprise when I saw the Hougyoku remove itself from my chest. And at the same time, a strange Kidō activated within my own body. It turned out that Urahara had planted it there long before my transformation was complete.

When Urahara, who had finally approached us, said that the Kidō would seal me away, I didn't believe him – that is, until my transformation completely shattered leaving behind my old shinigami form.

I think that, now that I look at it, Urahara believed that his Kidō was the root of what caused the hougyoku to abandon me. It's alright. I shall let him keep that belief of victory. I don't intend to share the true truth with him, or anybody else, for that matter.

The truth was… I told the Hougyoku to leave.

As I finally open my eyes to the searing light, I believe I can finally see past the glow. It seems my eyes have grown accustomed to the environment – they still hurt, but the intensity of the lights no longer burnt away my sight repeatedly. I was right about shinigami watching me, too. I see them.

The truth behind the truth is that I have but one dream remaining in the existence of what is Aizen Sōsuke.

All I wish for is for me to cross my blade with that man once more.

A hero and a monster.

The seal on me is due to break in 18,800 years. Would Ichigo survive until then? There is no way for me to know. Even if he does, will he still be my equal after so long?

Even though my body can't, deep inside my thoughts, I laugh at the top of my lungs.

How am I supposed to know the answer to any of that?

But I realized something. Throughout his life, even a short life he had till now, Kurosaki Ichigo gave people _hope_.

Right now…

He is giving me hope.

* * *

A/N: _'Aizen thinks of Ichigo as a source of hope for the world and himself'_ – I thought it would be interesting to make a oneshot like this. To those still with me – thanks. If you felt even an ounce of pity for Aizen, that means I achieved my primary goal.

Oh, and the reason behind Aizen's thoughts I explain with what Ichigo said to Urahara, once it was all over. He said that all he could feel in Aizen's sword, the only emotion, was LONELINESS. (it's quiet at the top… lol)

Overall, I think I made it plausible… Right?

I'm not sure if I got the genre of the oneshot right, so if you think that drama with elements of angst, comment so that I can consider changing it.

_See ya!_

_KuroiTori-sama_


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